The Saddest Story I ever Heard
What is remembered of day 2
I woke around 7 and called in sick to work, I couldn’t face their sorrow. I fell back asleep, it felt like forever. I love sleeping, for those moments nothing else matters all that can be done is dream. I always have nice dreams never nightmares I leave the nightmares to real life. When I woke later in the day she was already home curled into a ball lying on the bedroom floor. I thought I could sense her in my dream. I can always tell when she is there. Her eyes are red, I can tell she hasn’t slept. I mean how could she. It’s not every day you are told you are not going to live. She is so strong much stronger than me. I wish I had half the strength she does. I get up and kiss her forehead. She is freezing, I get a blanket from the bed and cuddle into her. I lie and tell her everything is going to be ok. I will make everything ok. She knows I can’t but tells me to promise, promise her everything will be ok. She lights a cigarette and coughs as she exhales. “Funny huh! Smoke all my days and get fuckin liver cancer but yet i hardly drink. Fuckin typical! She forces a silent laugh.
She asks “What are we going to do?” I tell her with a lump in my throat “I dunno, whatever we have to. We will have to do what we have to do” I hold her tighter and tell her she will never be alone. I can feel her tears running down my arm and the condensation of her breath on my chest. I know its cliché but i wish we could lie like this forever. Just holding each other, loving, not judging, just living. I love her so much. Its 6 days till the meeting to find out how long she has. How long we have together.
I can’t decide if I will die with her. I’ve not asked her yet, but i feel that i should not out of guilt just out of love. She is afraid. I don’t want her to be afraid maybe if I go with her she won’t be afraid. I don’t know how to bring it up. How do you ask the one person you love most in the world who doesn’t have a choice between life and death, if they want you to kill yourself so they don’t feel afraid? As I write these words the concept doesn’t add up, it does seem insane, but yet that’s how I feel. I will wait till after the meeting before I talk to her about it. I don’t want upset her anymore.
She falls asleep and i pick her up and tuck her into bed. She looks so peaceful. I hope she is having happy dreams free from the reality of her life
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